Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The maid of honor just puked.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
