Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
