Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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