Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
