my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
