We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
