i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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