That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
