Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
