haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i need some magic done to my vagina
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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