my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You've changed since you got that strap on
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
