opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Enjoy the penises
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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