I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
