The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
