His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my sisters under your porch take her home
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
