Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
