alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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