Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
