Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
