you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
