What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
