everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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