Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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