p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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