Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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