every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
