I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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