I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
