I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
