I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
