if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
