where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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