I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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