I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
