oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I love having hate sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
