I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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