Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
