Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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