Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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