You don't have asthma, your pregnant
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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