Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
