i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
