Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
