Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
