Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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