did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
