I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
