You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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