I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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