this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
