Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
