I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
