fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize