so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
