would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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