i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize