The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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