do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My ass is underappreciated
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
