After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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