Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
