When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i drank out of a bidet.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
