Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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