It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
