There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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