It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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