Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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