I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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