I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
