I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
