you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
