Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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