Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
