Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
