Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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