Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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