Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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