Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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