Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
