His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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