Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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