remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
