I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want nice things and good sex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
