Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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